I work with all kinds of people all over the world who are looking for something better, something different, or something new. They desire to change so they can be that perfect mate, have a more fulfilling career, get in better shape, have a stronger faith, or heal from a serious disease. And though the goals vary, they all have one thing in common….they’re trying to create successful change.
If you’re someone who’s been trying to grow and change something in your life, or if you’ve tried so many times before and have simply given up, you know the effort it takes. Research tell us most people don’t like change because it’s hard to make and even harder to sustain. In this video learning, I describe one of the reasons change is so difficult – you go about it the wrong way!
That would be great if that’s all there was to it. It would be one thing if you tried and failed, then picked yourself up to try again. The reality is most people often do much more than that. They heap guilt, blame, disappointment, and condemnation on themselves. With their own self-talk, they tell themselves everything that’s wrong with them: “There I go again.” “I’m no good.” “I can’t lose weight.” “No one will ever want me.” “I knew I’d mess it up.” “I’ll never change.”
The problem is your words just don’t evaporate into thin air. You use your own self-talk to build your own beliefs about the world, others, and yourself – even if what you tell yourself isn’t particularly accurate. So when you try hard and don’t succeed, you can actually lower your self-confidence and self-image by the way you speak to yourself. And research says when we stop trying hard to be better, we always go back to behaving according to the image we hold of our self on the subconscious level.
If you keep telling yourself what you’re not good at, you’re actually creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy! It’s a negative self-talk cycle that gets you trapped no matter how hard you try to change on the conscious level. And if you do this consistently enough, you’ll keep yourself from growing in the identity and inheritance Christ purchased for you by his death on the cross. You give your power to the thief who would love nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy your future (John 10:10). It’s essential that you remember “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” (Proverbs 18:21).
So do you lie to yourself and pretend you’re wonderful when you try and fail? No….the Apostle Paul says to have an honest assessment of yourself (Romans 12:3).
Here’s a tool to control your self-talk so it doesn’t become negatively self-fulfilling. When your behavior or outcomes are not what you’d like, rather than give attention and power to the negative condemnation, give your mind and spirit this message: “I am a child of the Most High God. I may not have gotten the results I wanted this time but I’m better than that. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). The next time I intend to.…” (then give your mind the mental picture of doing it right the next time). Not only is this a technique I teach to create high performing athletes, business people, and individuals, but it aligns with the Word of God that you would take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). In that way, you take on the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) and walk as His woman of destiny.
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